Starting couples therapy can feel both hopeful and nerve-wrecking. Whether you’re seeking couples counseling online or meeting in person, knowing what to expect can help you feel more comfortable and prepared.
In this article, we’ll walk you through what to expect when you go to couples therapy, common couples counseling first session questions, and tips for your first couples therapy session to help you make the most of this important step.
Also Read: When Should Parents Consider Therapy for Their Child?
Starting Couples Therapy: What to Expect & How to Prepare
Your first session sets the foundation for the work you and your partner will do together. It’s an opportunity for you both to share what brings you to therapy, outline your goals, and get a sense of how your therapist works.
Most couples are surprised to learn that the first couples counselling session is not about assigning blame or taking sides but about understanding each partner’s perspective and beginning to identify patterns in the relationship dynamic.
Before your session, it can help to:
- Discuss with your partner what you both hope to achieve.
- Write down key issues you’d like to address.
- Keep an open mind, therapy works best when both partners are willing to be honest and engaged.
Couples Counseling First Session Questions
Therapists often begin by asking background questions to understand your relationship’s history and current challenges.
Here are some common first session questions you might encounter:
- How did you meet, and what initially drew you to each other?
- What are the main issues bringing you to couples therapy?
- How do you usually handle conflict?
- What do you each hope to gain from therapy?
- How do you communicate affection, frustration, or disappointment?
Your therapist might also ask about family background, communication styles, and any previous counseling experiences.
Remember, there are no right or wrong answers. The goal is to help your therapist see the bigger picture of your relationship.
What Questions to Ask in Couples Therapy
Just as your therapist will ask you questions, it’s equally important to ask your own.
Here are a few what questions to ask in couples therapy that can help you understand the process and set expectations:
- What can we do between sessions to improve our relationship?
- How do you typically work with couples who face challenges like ours?
- How will we know if we’re making progress?
- How often should we meet for the best results?
Asking thoughtful questions shows that you’re invested in the process and helps you and your therapist create a plan that feels right for both of you.
Tips for Your First Couples Therapy Session
To make your first session as productive as possible, keep these tips for the first couples therapy session in mind:
1. Come with an Open Attitude
It is normal to feel tempted to rehearse what you will say or worry about how your partner might respond. Try to set those expectations aside and come to the session with curiosity and openness.
The goal isn’t to “win” or convince your therapist of your perspective, it is to explore what’s happening between you and your partner. Listening with empathy and a willingness to understand can make your session far more meaningful.
2. Be Honest, but Kind
Honesty builds trust in therapy, but how you express that honesty matters.
Share your feelings and experiences sincerely, without attacking or blaming your partner. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when we talk about difficult topics.”
This approach helps create a space where both of you feel safe enough to be real and vulnerable, an essential part of the healing process.
3. Stay Focused on Growth, Not Guilt
It’s easy to fall into patterns of self-blame or defensiveness when discussing relationship struggles.
Remember, therapy is not about identifying who’s “right” or “wrong.” It’s about learning new tools to communicate better, reconnect emotionally, and strengthen your partnership.
When both partners focus on growth rather than guilt, the process becomes more productive and compassionate.
4. Take Notes if It Helps
During your sessions, you might uncover valuable insights, communication techniques, or small action steps to try at home.
Writing these down can help you remember what resonated most and keep you accountable between appointments.
Some couples even keep a shared journal to track progress, express gratitude, and reflect on changes over time.
5. Commit to the Process
Meaningful change takes consistency, patience, and mutual effort.
Some sessions may feel easier than others, but progress often comes in small, gradual shifts.
Commit to attending regularly, even when things feel uncomfortable, those are often the moments where the deepest growth occurs. By staying engaged, you and your partner show a shared commitment to rebuilding trust, communication, and connection.
Couples Counselling Online: A Convenient Alternative
If busy schedules or distance make it difficult to attend in-person sessions, couples counseling online can be just as effective.
Online therapy allows couples to meet via video call, offering flexibility and privacy. You can expect the same structure and professionalism as traditional sessions, with the added comfort of meeting from home.
Before your online session:
- Test your internet connection and camera.
- Choose a quiet, private space.
- Treat the appointment with the same seriousness as an in-person visit.
Begin Your Journey with Hera Therapy
The first couples counseling session is just the beginning of a journey toward better communication, deeper understanding, and renewed connection.
At Hera Therapy, we’re honored to walk that journey with you, helping you rediscover what brought you together and building a stronger future as a team.
Contact Hera Therapy today to book your initial session, whether in person or online.